Integration

People lay out maps before they finally internalize and live it, to become free of it.

<insert image = dali’s persistence of memory)

People lay out maps before they finally internalize and live it, to become free of it. (Seems like I did too.. in many ways, when I gather from my earlier writings. I was laying out a map, and honestly tonight I integrated. Gonna let this one be vague here for the fuck of it :) Also, think of this like a long tweet I’m writing without any conscious thought on precision.. who knows maybe because of a tiddly mind… because it is.

I wanted to write bout some of the great movies I saw this last month and how it transformed me in a lot of new ways :) Well, first there was Dead Poets Society (this was a rewatch) then Good Will Hunting, then it was Pursuit of Happyness.

You know you just really need a few handful people, and not cohorts, in your life to realize your own value or place in this world. And they don’t have to be always there. They play a ‘role’ in your life. And good teachers and professors.. friends or guides.. or humans in distinct roles.. are just that. Their roles are precise.. they come in for a period of time and they change you.. either for the best or the worst. The best ‘teacher’ is the one that lets you be, in the sense that some of the discovering and understanding of your own goods and bads only occur when you go through it on your own.. in that way it becomes solid, it sticks. Also, ‘teachers’ and ‘friends’ that give you the truth.. well, you know it hurts, supposed to before you go through the process and realise it on your own.. truth is realized when you are a human that is autopoietic. I think the best thing that happened to me in a long time was exactly this.. descartes’ meditations applied to life as opposed to knowledge structure that you then cognitize and land in life.

Damn.

In some ways we all want to be loved and admired and known, but if we chase too much of it I think somewhere you lose what you actually were .. like that good that initially landed and attracted people. And like by chasing I don’t mean you do it for the fuck of it, again.. subjectivity is vast man.. the reasons are unfathomable, you could be masking to fit in (or whatever) and your anxiety might lead you to believe you need to be wearing that ‘mask’ to survive, while the contrary proves itself to be true. you don’t need it. no one needs that shit.. what one often owes oneself is effortful, hence difficult i.e., loving yourself for who you are and keep going no matter what. simple.

things change, time change, therefore one must also change. or well risk repeating that ozymandius stuff.. your ‘statue’ disappears.. often with you.

Also, you don’t have to like people. like everyone. love everyone. coz empathy and al. Maybe one just needs to acknowledge that there is a great deal to be respected and admired by you in others and the external immediate environment :))) because these people you encounter in this one life might just have something you recognize as genuine teach you something about yourself. Now whether you like their personality, how they cope with reality, how they behave with others and in most part in doing that themselves subjectively varies..

i mean

i dont..

I dont like a lot of people, very few.. probably akin to my own personality because we all enmesh nicely and its a good time but Imma be honest I respect only quite a few.. people in my liking and not.. because people have talents man.. everyone has… yes.. no matter how less or more visible in the outside world.. that is like what keeps most people going, and making them know that its true and genuine and you get it.. is probably the most humanly true thing one could do.

See I’m not trying to discount behaviors and morality of people etc.. i enmeshed so much with philosophy and psychoanalysis in the past that I know* that most of it boils downs to a lot of subjectivity, balancing itself in an objective world.

People are good and bad. Its like a line on the graph.. 0.. you move to the right negative and if you move left.. positive.. people are like that.. now how many numbers are on either side you cant know truly fully.. you see glimpses of it. and mostly you meet people where you are at in life. And overtime the people you accept and keep along usually have shadows that you can tolerate.

damn i kinda fucking miss reading Jung.. a lot of what I read in my early 20s I understand it now.. lived it. That guy slaps. Trust me. Hehe.

The most important thing.. i guess one of the important things hehe, i* :) understood about people is also that sometimes you gotta let certain people go.. not because of cruelness or giving up, because you understand you’ve done your part and now its respectful to let them be and do their own part.. then they meet you at the lane.. and the ‘you’ here becomes the principle.. and learning and understanding that principle is what makes you.. transforms you.

And interestingly, that is what being a teacher, mentor or friend or advisor is.. you know that the essence of the role is the same, just the mask and the rules around it differ (lmao being in science these days is making me go like.. no, its not all the same.. hehe.. well, objectively yea.. definitively yes.. the depth, the core.. the seed.. stays the same :)

Yep gonna stop here, and read Jung.. been a while.. too good you know.. for the soul :)

-sanj/08.06.2026